glue /noun /
An adhesive substance used for sticking objects or materials together.
If I could manufacture relationship glue and sell it online, I’m sure I would be an overnight success story. I may even get to retire my imaginary magic wand!
And here’s the thing…….there is a glue for relationships. It’s not available in supermarkets or health food stores. Nor is it available in your favorite hardware outlet. But it is readily available wherever a human being exists. And here are some examples of that glue in action:
Crossing the divide in a tense discussion and rubbing your partners neck (because he had complained about it earlier)
Or
Saying the cheese toast ‘just hit the spot’ even though it was soggy.
or
Stopping and listening to your partners complaints about the traffic and his boss – even though your day was pretty horrendous too.
Or
Getting up silently and loading the dishwasher, even though it’s not your turn (because she looks tired tonight)
or
Telling him you appreciate him putting the kids to bed (even though he didn’t do it quite the way you would have liked)
or
Saying she looks beautiful (even though she is running 20 minutes late for a night out)
Have you worked out what the glue is called yet?
Its called kindness.
It’s so underrated isn’t it? Being kind? But being kind can fix a host of ills. Being kind can build a bridge. Being kind can foster a connection that will weather irritations and ill matched values.
Being kind can turn tense discussions into resolutions just because you reached out – touched her hand/rubbed his neck/ told him he was appreciated/gave her a loving look etc
Kindness is communication. It says ‘I care’. I may not agree. But I care. And in the end. Isn’t that the thing we most want to hear?
When we are treated with kindness it fills us with warmth and gratitude and we feel blessed and we want to give some of that back……………and hey presto……..glue invisibly but with certainty pulls us closer together and tells us there is no other place we would rather be; we see the relationship as a soft place to fall.
Create some glue.
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Gail Bartlett-Harris Registered Counsellor 